Grand Magus — Triumph and Power
★☆☆☆ This is a joke. Oh, I know that they don’t think it’s a joke. The album is painfully self-serious. But you can’t tell me this doesn’t remind you of Spinal Tap. See the rest here
First Listens With One-Star Ratings
Architects — Lost Forever // Lost Together
★☆☆☆ This album is a bit of a mess. Part djent, part tweenaged metalcore, with a smidge of EDM sensibility thrown in. I can’t say that I liked it very much, although there were a few moments that elicited genuine headswaying. See the rest here
Ektomorf — Retribution
★☆☆☆ This is pretty much exactly a Hungarian version of Sepultura’s “Roots”… but with crappier vocals. It’s worth hearing, if only to marvel at just what a shameless knockoff it is. See the rest here
Monte Pittman — The Power Of Three
★☆☆☆ Should a modern metal album aspire to sound like a poor man’s post-Layne Alice In Chains? There are a handful of interesting moments on The Power Of Three, but they’re momentary distractions from the many, many flaws that abound. See the rest here
Ex Libris — Medea
★☆☆☆ This is some seriously self-indulgent stuff. The musicianship is fantastic… but it seems to only serve as an excuse for some out-of-place arias. Also, I can’t imagine ever willingly listening to this again. See the rest here
Cryostatic Dream — Boundaries
★☆☆☆ This sounds exactly like the kind of music I always wanted to make: jazzy djent for video games. Also, this music should not really be made by anyone. See the rest here
Saliva — In It To Win It
★☆☆☆ Believe it or not, this isn’t the worst thing I’ve heard all year. It’s cheesy as hell, as you’d expect from Saliva, but it’s so adorably self-earnest that you can’t help but buy into the hipshake a little. Well done, little Saliva. You’re better than Device. See the rest here
Dethklok — Metalocalypse – The Doomstar Requiem
★☆☆☆ I’m giving this a huge helping of optimistic benefit of the doubt, as it probably plays better as a soundtrack to the cartoon than as a standalone album. That said, it’s best described as an archipelago of decency in a deep, cold ocean of unlistenability. See the rest here
Scar The Martyr — Scar The Martyr
★☆☆☆ Soooo boring. See the rest here
Sepultura — The Mediator Between The Head And Hands Must Be The Heart
★☆☆☆ Seriously, who gives a shit about Sepultura anymore? I mean, “The Mediator…” continues the band’s progression (such as it is) into unformulaic tone poems of inchoate rage, but no one — not producer Ross Robinson, nor Dave Lombardo — could make me actually care. Mind you, none of the tracks are particularly bad, and buried in the mix is “Grief,” a legitimately great tune. See the rest here
